Lists of Glory: songs I sing to in the car when I’m pretending to be Beyonce at Glastonbury

Yeah, there’s a part of me that thinks I can still throw on a gold jacket with no bra and pair of big black pants then rock on down like it’s 2011. Unfortunately, if I have a little dance around the sitting room, I catch sight of myself in the big mirror and see a little round thing, bouncing away with all the rhythm of a frightened hippo.

In the car though, there’s no mirror to remind me of reality and I’m fully in the moment. Mabel is now used to me screeching away (I’m one of those people who technically has a good singing voice… it just doesn’t sound very nice.) Like sexual fantasies, favourite songs are often not cool or classy or politically correct. They speak to the deepest part of us and fully immersing ourselves in them refreshes the soul. My playlist is my saviour and my sanctuary. And here it  is, in all it’s naff, embarrassing glory….

 

The Sofia Karlberg cover of Beyonce’s 50 Shades of Grey version of Crazy in Love. Yes, its a cover of a cover of a cover. It’s gorgeous.

 

Christina Aguilera’s Not Myself Tonight. I have to confess I hate the video and have totally made up my own version. And I changed the lyrics from ‘girl’ to ‘wife’ because that’s more empowering if you’re, you know, a married grown-up.  It works… try it.

 

Selena Gomez Come and Get It. I know she’s no David Bowie but this is such a pretty video. And it’s about undying love.  Who could resist?

 

Ariana Grande’s Dangerous Woman. Love the song but hate the over sexualised creatively barren video. So I’ve given you the live version. I can’t check what it sounds like because my son has left a game running on the computer with some really loud plinky-plonk music that drowns everything else out and he’s still fast asleep so I don’t know how to stop it. Ah, kids eh? If only life were just about being a dangerous woman….

 

Gwen Stefani’s What You Waiting For? Exactly. What are you waiting for? You’re a super hot female and they’re all waiting for your hot track. As Gwen would say.

 

Hozier’s Take Me to Church. Emotional musical bombast never got much better than this, did it? You feel like you’ve fought in the revolution just by listening to it.

 

Mark Ronson/Bruno Mars Uptown Funk. Obviously. Also, in these turbulent political times, is a great song to sing sarcastically at the end of dinner parties to your self-identifying liberal elite friends to piss them off.

 

John Newman’s Love me Again. Which you then have to sing to your liberal elite friends after you’ve pissed them off. Or maybe they have to sing it to you… Or just forget all that and try to keep up with the amazing Northern Soul dancing.

 

Oh yeah…here we are. Beyonce. Live. Glastonbury. Why don’t you love me.  Well? Why don’t you?

 

And we couldn’t finish without this one… If I were  Boy.

 

But for sheer over-arching drama and to fully ensure you have tears running down your cheeks when you arrive wherever it is your car journey has been taking you, we have this as an encore. Sia singing Bird Set Free.

 

You can keep your cool, trendy new bands. I like my music cheesey, emotional and joyful. I think I’ve achieved it…

 

(PS. About three weeks ago I promised I’d write a post about dystopian fiction and Brexit. Well, I haven’t. I couldn’t stand to read another ill informed, judgmental, layman’s  opinion piece about Brexit. Even if I had written it myself.)